The Club You Don't Want To Join

There's a club, that takes only special people and the initiation is not that great.  No one understands how it feels to lose a parent until they have lost a parent.  Recently a great friend joined the club, and I, being a member of that club remembers how it feels.

When you lose a parent it is like you disappear into death.  Those of us in the club understand.  We know you are changed forever, that you lose your last piece of childhood.  Losing a parent makes you feel adrift, like there is no anchor still telling you that everything will be all right.  That one person, that no matter what you do, will always love you.  We are left alone, our own childhood fades, turning into artifacts around the house - pictures on the bookshelf, a faded note written by hand.  We wish we could linger as a child, not having to take control, face the reality that life really does go on and others move forward.

Losing a parent makes you wish you had more time.  As you go through effects and houses, you see pieces of them you didn't know exist and it makes you sad you never got to sit down and ask those questions.  "Who's car were you sitting on in 1953 in this picture?  or "What position did you play when you played basketball for Villanova?"  The story of their life disappears, the only parts remaining are the parts you know from your time with them, that sinking realization that they did exist beyond being a parent, and now you'll never know.

If you know someone joining the club, here's a few pointers.

Let them be the child, let them tell you all about their Mommy or Daddy, because hearing the words as they say them, gives them peace.  They did actually exist, there is a history, and it will go on.

Accept that you are just an ear piece and be simply that, if you haven't joined the club what they really need is someone to listen, to understand the anger, the fear then the resulting sadness of loss.

Take the initiative and help with the task at hand.  There is nothing more daunting than facing a closet of clothes, a storage room full of boxes, even just an underwear drawer and learning how to let go - piece by piece.  Don't worry about flowers or casseroles, help with clearing out not just the home but the soul.

Losing a parent lets us feel our own mortality, the chain is broken and it cannot be fixed.  Before you join the club:

Pick them up when they fall.
Hold your tongue when they want to talk.
Provide the shoulder AND the ear when there is nothing else you can give.

What type of friend are you?  Have you joined the club?

Advice for dealing with Feral Children

The other day, I was sitting and relaxing at an outdoor cafe, enjoying the quiet when I heard a waiter say to a table next to me, "Be careful when you leave, there's a band of feral children roaming the docks."  Of course, I paid my bill quietly, and slid out the side door of the restaurant so no one would see that they are actually my children.

Feral - a domestic animal that has turned wild.

Here's some facts about Feral Children:

Feral Children are left by parents -  usually on docks while they party in boats, on the beach while they party at the beachside bar, or in the mall while they try on underwear.  These children are recognized by the wild look in their eyes, the disheveled hair, and the powdered doughnut sugar caked on their side of their lips..


You cannot catch a feral child like a normal child.  You cannot call them and they will come to you.  You must coax a feral child with something they understand, and open Butterfinger, or a line of Skittles.

Feral Children are usually not indigenous to the area and when introduced can cause harm - they are known to trample local flora and fauna, decimate the sugar stores and usually taint the water supply.

Feral Children have been blamed for the extinction of 26 species - including the "responsible child," the "well behaved child" and a long extinct candy called, "Zots."

Feral Children left unchecked are known to multiply by pulling often domesticated children into their Gang or Band.  Domesticated Children should be kept inside with a book or tempted by a game of pinocle if there is a Feral Child in the area.

Feral Children - if you show them attention they will not leave.  They are known to break every knob off your boat, knock over drinks at that beachside getaway and even follow you in the mall making fatrt noises..

If you need to scare a Feral Child away, offer them a healthy alternative to their diet of Skittles, Ice Cream and Soda, especially something like "milk."

Keeping Feral Children away from a restaurant table is a little more difficult, many claim saying "I have no more money," does the trick, we have found they will then attempt to eat from your basket of fries.

Keeping a Feral Children away from your home is as easy as putting out a tub of clean bath water, we're not sure what bath water does to them but it is a great deterrent.

Feral Children are descents of domesticated humans left by travelers.  Sometimes the travelers come back and claim their children, many times the children find their parents again and attach themselves to them again.

History of Feral Children:

Feral Children were introduced into the wild to control the population of local humans.  Originally, their behavior was used to scare any teenagers from having children, and to help local parents understand the effect of children on the local population.

When the population of Feral Children exploded, a local Predator was introduced to help control them. It is called the school and is known to corral Feral Children for their introduction into humanity.  If you spot Feral Children in the wild and School is not available, a safe alternative is Vacation Bible School.

We cannot help all Feral Children, sometimes there are those few that slip through the cracks.  These children blend into society as Dixie Classic Ride Park Operators, Lemonade Stand operators, or possibly,  hand models.

Keep your children close, don't let the Feral Children influence you.  Make the right decisions!

Lies you tell your children - WHAT?

We know we tell those little white lies we tell our children, things to make them feel better?  Here's a quick take on a few of the big ones.




You will love it, just taste one bite. - Adults create this rule because we love to see your face when we give you something disgusting.  Plus it saves us money when we need you to eat the "whatever we found in the refrigerator" casserole.  Something we wouldn't touch.

It won't hurt a bit. - We were told this by friends when it came time to give birth to you, so we're paying you back for that.  (Hold still, you're spilling the alcohol, this won't hurt a bit)

Momma knows best - this can be true because we've been at this rodeo a little longer than you've been. But it's a lie because we've already forgotten most of it due to the amount of alcohol consumed due to having children.

It will feel better - this is our catchall, "stop whining about what hurts because 1: there is nothing I can do about it and 2: I'm tired of hearing it."

You'll go blind if you.....This is the do as I say, not what I do.  And a good explanation as to why all adults need reading glasses.

This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you - because that scream soon coming out of your mouth will deafen everyone within a mile radius - even possibly from the satellite taking your picture.

If you keep making that face, it will stick that way - Have you seen your father?  Mr. Vinegar face, he started making that face when he was young and look at what happened to him.

Mommy and Daddy are taking a nap - really, we are taking a nap.  Ya'll wear us out.

Being the youngest makes you special - you, my son, were the best birth control.  After you, we never, ever wanted another child.  Yes, you are that special.

Looks don't matter, it's what inside that counts - well, that one is the truth.  At least that's what my mother and father told me and look at me now -- FABULOUS!

Studies show that a few little white lies don't hurt your children, that Moms and Dads both lie at the same rate (doesn't that make us all feel a little bit better) and if you really think about it, your parents said the same lies to you and look how well you turned out.

Is there any you would add to the list?