WTF - Sibling Edition

Recently I watch my two sons get into a WWF showdown type of smack down over the last jawbreaker.  I also watched several people within sighting distance watch my two sons in horror.  So I'm asking, am I raising serial killers or when you were a kid did you:

Sibling Game Playing:

Older:  "Where's going to play the pillow fight game."

Younger, "Yay, that sounds like fun."

Older, "OK, you hit me first with your pillow."

Younger, "OK."  Light tap in brother's face.

Older then proceeds to smack the crap out of the younger.

Older, "OK, now it's your turn again."

Younger, "Uhhhh."

I played the "Slap" game with my siblings.  This was a game in the car where we would slap each other's exposed thighs and who ever screamed lost.  Mainly because this was on long car rides and the child screaming not only lost but got the car pulled over and well, you know what came next.

Sibling Sharing.

Older:  "There's one brownie left.  Do you want it?"  Proceeds to spit on it.

Younger, "Uh, no thanks."

Sibling exercise program

Younger goes and flicks (we called it plucks) the Older's head.  He then runs as fast as he can from mad chasing sibling until he is worn out and caught.  Wrestling then ensues.

Bathroom Rules:

When someone has to go to the bathroom, some like the World Championship 100 foot race ensues, whoever gets in their first, then locks and door and hangs out-for a very long time.

Sibling Boundaries

If sharing a room, the masking tape goes down the middle.  The younger has one side, the older then says, "If you cross into my territory then I'll have to beat you up/"

The younger looks around at how the room is divided, "But I have to cross your territory to get out?"

The older smiles.

Sibling Negotiation

Younger nursing a goose bump on his head.

Older: "You don't need to tell Mom, you are fine."

Younger, "But I'm picking rocks out of my head. Why did you push me down the hill on the tricycle."

Older, "It's your fault.  You didn't hold on.  I'm going to tell on you."

Younger, pauses.  "Oh OK, I won't tell.  I don't want to get into trouble."

Finally one of my favorites:

The older is finally enjoying a quiet moment on the couch, watching Spongebob, of course.

The younger come and sits next to him.  

Doesn't watch the TV, just stares at him.

I watch from the kitchen mesmerized.

The older ignores the younger, continues to watch the television.  The younger doesn't move.

The tension in the room increases.

The younger is frozen, like a statue, watching the older.

The older finally can't take it anymore and looks at his brother.

All the younger does is smile.

The older then proceeds to wrestle with him.

When I am asked later by the younger why his brother wrestled him, I reply, "You're really asking?

Oh, the joys of family.  Hopefully the therapy bills won't be too expensive for both them AND me.

Advice for dealing with Feral Children

The other day, I was sitting and relaxing at an outdoor cafe, enjoying the quiet when I heard a waiter say to a table next to me, "Be careful when you leave, there's a band of feral children roaming the docks."  Of course, I paid my bill quietly, and slid out the side door of the restaurant so no one would see that they are actually my children.

Feral - a domestic animal that has turned wild.

Here's some facts about Feral Children:

Feral Children are left by parents -  usually on docks while they party in boats, on the beach while they party at the beachside bar, or in the mall while they try on underwear.  These children are recognized by the wild look in their eyes, the disheveled hair, and the powdered doughnut sugar caked on their side of their lips..


You cannot catch a feral child like a normal child.  You cannot call them and they will come to you.  You must coax a feral child with something they understand, and open Butterfinger, or a line of Skittles.

Feral Children are usually not indigenous to the area and when introduced can cause harm - they are known to trample local flora and fauna, decimate the sugar stores and usually taint the water supply.

Feral Children have been blamed for the extinction of 26 species - including the "responsible child," the "well behaved child" and a long extinct candy called, "Zots."

Feral Children left unchecked are known to multiply by pulling often domesticated children into their Gang or Band.  Domesticated Children should be kept inside with a book or tempted by a game of pinocle if there is a Feral Child in the area.

Feral Children - if you show them attention they will not leave.  They are known to break every knob off your boat, knock over drinks at that beachside getaway and even follow you in the mall making fatrt noises..

If you need to scare a Feral Child away, offer them a healthy alternative to their diet of Skittles, Ice Cream and Soda, especially something like "milk."

Keeping Feral Children away from a restaurant table is a little more difficult, many claim saying "I have no more money," does the trick, we have found they will then attempt to eat from your basket of fries.

Keeping a Feral Children away from your home is as easy as putting out a tub of clean bath water, we're not sure what bath water does to them but it is a great deterrent.

Feral Children are descents of domesticated humans left by travelers.  Sometimes the travelers come back and claim their children, many times the children find their parents again and attach themselves to them again.

History of Feral Children:

Feral Children were introduced into the wild to control the population of local humans.  Originally, their behavior was used to scare any teenagers from having children, and to help local parents understand the effect of children on the local population.

When the population of Feral Children exploded, a local Predator was introduced to help control them. It is called the school and is known to corral Feral Children for their introduction into humanity.  If you spot Feral Children in the wild and School is not available, a safe alternative is Vacation Bible School.

We cannot help all Feral Children, sometimes there are those few that slip through the cracks.  These children blend into society as Dixie Classic Ride Park Operators, Lemonade Stand operators, or possibly,  hand models.

Keep your children close, don't let the Feral Children influence you.  Make the right decisions!

Lies you tell your children - WHAT?

We know we tell those little white lies we tell our children, things to make them feel better?  Here's a quick take on a few of the big ones.




You will love it, just taste one bite. - Adults create this rule because we love to see your face when we give you something disgusting.  Plus it saves us money when we need you to eat the "whatever we found in the refrigerator" casserole.  Something we wouldn't touch.

It won't hurt a bit. - We were told this by friends when it came time to give birth to you, so we're paying you back for that.  (Hold still, you're spilling the alcohol, this won't hurt a bit)

Momma knows best - this can be true because we've been at this rodeo a little longer than you've been. But it's a lie because we've already forgotten most of it due to the amount of alcohol consumed due to having children.

It will feel better - this is our catchall, "stop whining about what hurts because 1: there is nothing I can do about it and 2: I'm tired of hearing it."

You'll go blind if you.....This is the do as I say, not what I do.  And a good explanation as to why all adults need reading glasses.

This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you - because that scream soon coming out of your mouth will deafen everyone within a mile radius - even possibly from the satellite taking your picture.

If you keep making that face, it will stick that way - Have you seen your father?  Mr. Vinegar face, he started making that face when he was young and look at what happened to him.

Mommy and Daddy are taking a nap - really, we are taking a nap.  Ya'll wear us out.

Being the youngest makes you special - you, my son, were the best birth control.  After you, we never, ever wanted another child.  Yes, you are that special.

Looks don't matter, it's what inside that counts - well, that one is the truth.  At least that's what my mother and father told me and look at me now -- FABULOUS!

Studies show that a few little white lies don't hurt your children, that Moms and Dads both lie at the same rate (doesn't that make us all feel a little bit better) and if you really think about it, your parents said the same lies to you and look how well you turned out.

Is there any you would add to the list?