When was the last time

I am home with my boys pretty much twenty four seven, when I locked myself in the bathroom for a few seconds of peace I wondered.

When was the last time:

I actually fit into my jeans without laying on my back.  Was it before Moe's opened in Winston Salem but after?  Because that could be the culprit.

When did red wine stain my teeth, or when did I actually notice it.  Have I been walking around looking like I below on the street for years?

When was the last time I actually looked forward to putting on a bra?  Because every day I actually look forward to tearing one off and chasing my kids with it as they yell, EWWWW!

When did my sh*t not stink?  Because all of a sudden I'm having hot flashes in the bathroom and they are not the closing in on 50 kind of hot flashes.

When did stretchy pants become my go to apparel?  When I found that paired with the baby doll top I could actually be comfortable and look like a, well, a fat baby doll?

When did I write that blog post?  I don't remember writing it but it is pretty darn funny.

When was the last time someone liked something I cooked?  Oh, that again, was before I had kids.

When was the last time I didn't have to put the toilet seat down?  I got nothing on this one.

When did running turn into work?  When it became my way of weight control rather than enjoying the scenery.

When did the word "Stop" take on a new meaning?  When my kids started using it 1567 times a day and then I catch myself yelling, "STOP!" for them TO STOP!

When was the last time I had a hyper organized, productive day?  Oh yeah, that was 13 years ago before my first child was born.

When did I learn there are so many words, sayings, and emotions that have to do with farting?  When I had boys.

When will I ever learn?

Never.