Things that Never Go As Planned

Here's a list of things that never go as planned.



1.  That first perm - or finding out what the true definition of pubic hair by looking in the mirror.

2.  That crafty project with your children - or how did glue get THERE?

3.  Any recipe you've found on pinterest - or they must have photoshopped that 2 ingredient souffle.

4.  That First Date - who would have thought you couldn't have a conversation at a Metallica concert?

5.  The Family Vacation - or better titled - "You forgot WHAT?"

6.  Sex in a Public Place - like your bedroom because with kids that is considered public domain.

7.  A New Car - because there's always that tankard of iced tea that needs to fall on the mats within the first week.

8.  A Hot Bath - because you didn't realize 4 other people took a LONG, HOT shower ahead of you.  (AND the public place, because the bathroom is also fair game.)

9.  Your Karaoke Career - because even if you sound like Shania Twain in the shower, we know Shania Twain, and you ARE not Shania Twain.

10.  Jeggings - sounds good, feels comfortable but it is still sausage casing for your legs.

What to do if they don't go as planned.

1.  Carefully plan your Rumplestilkskin moment - specifically if you want someone to feel guilty.

2.  Reconsider your options - killing said children is NOT an option.

3.  Move to Plan B - usually including Goo Gone and Duct Tape and a bottle of tequila.

4.  Ask for input - look at everyone as if they've lost their mind.

5  Plan to never do it again, then conveniently forget the pain 3 months later and do the same cycle all over again.