It's A Given - Southern Snow

Most Southerners will tell you one of the main reasons they traveled below the Mason Dixon Line was due to weather, we want the more milder climate of the South.  So when we do get out one a winter dusting of snow here's what you can expect.

If we get snow:

The call for Armageddon hit Facebook two to three days before the actual arrival of snow.

The bread is gone from the grocery store shelves 15 minutes after the debut of the forecast.

The beer disappears even quicker.

The forecast then changes and everyone is stuck with way too much bread.   You can never have enough beer.

What falls down is more like snizzle - drizzle with a little mixture of snow.

There is a direct coorelation to whether or not they call school.  If they call school early on the account of snow it will rain.  If they do not call school, everyone will be sliding all over the place trying to pick up kids early.

If there is any sign of white on any road surface, traffic in town comes to a complete halt.  Luckily there's plenty of beer in the trunk of your car, so you don't panic.

Those that didn't believe Mother Nature are left to buying the Hard Tack Biscuits because all the bread is gone.  Worst yet, they are stuck with Bud Light Lime because all the other beer is gone as well.

Your plan of attack if there is a threat of snow and you're a Southerner?  Do what we normally do:

1.  PANIC, then talk amongst your friends on Facebook about how much you do not like snow.

2.  DRIVE POORLY - especially when trying to get to the grocery store to get beer and bread.

3.  STOCK UP - Our ABC stores are government owned - stock up early in case they are closed.

4.  SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING - because no one is going out in the snow, they've stocked up on beer and liquor and are busy on the computer talking about the snow on Facebook.

5.  WINTERIZE - I read somewhere that alcohol is a good winterizer, it doesn't freeze as quickly.

6.  LOCK AND LOAD - you are down South, you know.  Be prepared.