Hello? Romantic Comedy?

Tips to writers for Romantic Comedies: Where's the beef? The whole reason women rent the Romantic Comedy is for the eye candy. If you don't spend the money and time to sign up some beefcake for your movie, make sure there's at least one reason for him to take his shirt off. Is it hot out there working in the garden? How about working on that pickup in the front yard, anywhere else we'd think white trash but in the romantic comedy it's the perfect excuse to take off that white T-shirt because you are SO HOT! Dead of winter? Add in a hot tub? Shoot I've watched some movies where someone gets hurt in the woods in subzero temperatures and some good looking guy (beefcake) has to rip off his coat and shirt to stave the wound and keep the poor sap warm (I'm not complaining.) Better yet they have to come in from the snow, just make sure the heat is broken and up to 90 degrees so everyone can wander around in their bathing suits.

All work and no play makes Jack well, Jack. Don't lead us along too long until they have that first kiss. Better yet, start the movie with it, usually with his shirt off and we are hooked. Some movies have the couple arguing too long, too long meaning we get up to get another glass of wine and get immediately sidetracked into something like doing the dishes or painting our nails. If the couple is at odds, just give them a little alcohol and have them lock lips. Or you can have them lock lips in the beginning them hate each other right afterwards to get the movie moving along. Show off. If the movie is setin a beautiful place, then show it. Take us to the beach with all the guys in no shirts (again, why we rent the movies) and add in a few bikinis for the poor sap sitting next to us pretending to like it. Show the beautiful sky, make everything look romantic and watch as we sigh when the couple gets together. Best example, Mama Mia and the Greek setting - amazing that we really never noticed that Pierce Brosnan singing. The whole point of the Romantic Comedy is to escape from reality, that's why we chose this over War and Peace or Steel Magnolias. With the right recipe of beefcake, eye candy and a filler of scenery you have the perfect movie any woman would want to watch.

Gingerbread Men and Winter Snack

Fun story written for the kids in max's class, they LOVE it when I use their names in my stories, of course it has a gingerbread theme!

Twas the party before Winter Break, when all through Old Richmond School Mike, Samiya and Tanner were excited, parties are cool. Tyler ran to the table of crafts made with care, In hopes that good eats would soon would be there. Julius and Jessica were nestled all snug in their seats, While visions of cookies and candies danced at their feet! And Mr. Brookshire with his clipboard and Mrs. Lynch with her tea, Settled with a big pile of gifts with glee! When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, Max sprang from his desk to see what was the matter. Away to the door Jayden and Hannah flew like a flash, Emma even jumped over the bucket of trash! A funny looking schoolbus pulled into the lot, Katie knew something special it brought. When, what to Eli’s wondering eyes should see, But a big gingerbread Man and all of his friends set free. He was a happy cookie, so yummy and nutritious, Daylan knew in a moment it they’d be delicious. More rapid than runners Gingerbread ran down the hall, Followed by all his pals, big and small! "Come now my gingerbread friends, let’s go! There’s a party at Mrs. Lynch’s you know! They have special icing so today we are a treat! Now dash away! Dash away! You’re cookies to eat! As quick as a cat down the hall they flew, Jumping into Mrs. Lynch’s Classroom two by two. In front of Claire and Jessica, they jumped and lay still, Waiting for Ava and Austin to decorate then eat their fill . Kaden loved the icing, Jayden the gummy bears and sparkles for fun, Cecelia even put M&M’s on some. Aristotle and Abriya filled their cookies with glee, Creating beautiful works of art for all to see. No one saw Santa hanging beside the back door, Enjoying the party while tapping his foot on the floor. He drove the bus bringing the gingerbread joy, Laughing as he watched all the little girls and boys. His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! He laughed as Max put a red hot for a nose, And chuckled as Ava put sprinkles on her girl’s toes. One gingerbread chuckled as a Tanner tickled his belly, Another squirmed as a Emma squirted on some jelly! Head to toe, covered with pretty white frosting, A ginger girl thought this was better than any costume. One little gingerbread dude hung in a corner shaking, He really had no idea what they were making. What if they made him look like Justin Bieber or a GIRL, he’s not wearing a tutu for a twirl! He sprang to his feet, trying to run from the room, But Santa caught him at the door before he zoomed. Don’t worry young man, this is a party of fun, "Mrs. Lynch 2nd grade class will make you look better than none! So the little gingerbread man went and had some fun, He got a blue frosting coat and a gummie bear when done. Pulling away in his strange bus, they heard Santa say, Happy Winter Break Old Richmond have a fun day!

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas...

On the twelfth day of Christmas my family gave to me: 12 pounds of turkey 11 cups of egg nog 10 kids a fighting 9 teens a texting 8 dogs a barking 7 toilet clogs 6 packs of batteries 5 hours of dinner! 4 ugly casseroles 3 Surprise guests 2 table arguments And a blinding Christmas headache!

Christmas Bender - It is better to give than receive

I am a last minute shopper, and I have a very good reason. You see, I love to give gifts at Christmas, LOVE to give rather than receive, this presents a problem when our bank account starts to dwindle from my love of GIVING! One Christmas I decided that I was going to do all my shopping early, and spend the week before Christmas break sitting in front of the fire congratulating myself on how organized I was. Things went very well when I did all my shopping, found the PERFECT gift for everyone on my list AND even had them wrapped. I arrived at the week before Christmas Break full of pride at my Christmas organization and thought about that hot toddy in front of the fire. Then I went on what my husband called a “Christmas Bender,” you see I had bought such a PERFECT gift for everyone on my list that I couldn’t wait until Christmas for them to open it. I “accidentially” put some REALLY COOL gifts I’d purchased for my children in their bathroom for them to find, then acted dismayed that they’d opened them –and of course, loved the stuff I’d picked out. My girlfriend got hers early because I knew that she’d love to wear it to the next race we had coming up and unfortunately it was BEFORE Christmas. After this bender, I had a dilemma, I gave away everything I’d just shopped for and now WHAT WAS I GOING TO GIVE FOR CHRISTMAS! Out I had to go shopping again but luckily for everyone on my list, I had such a creative mind that I found another really cool set of gifts for my list, things that were BETTER than what I just gave away. My husband stood at the door looking at my arms loaded with bags and held out his hands. “Hand them over,” he said. “What?” How could I part with these perfect gifts? “Give them to me, you’ll give them away again and we’ll have to take out a second mortgage to cover Christmas this year,” he muttered. “But I won’t do that, honest. Just this one thing for you,” I started to reach into the bag. With the nimbleness of knowing that it was going to hit his wallet, he takes all the bags from me before I can pull anything out and walks away with them, I start to follow he stops and turns, “You go somewhere else, I’m going to hide these until Christmas Eve when the shops are closed.” I feel like the addict wondering what am I going to do with 5 days and no presents to give out? “But, I mean, don’t you want me to wrap them?” He replies, “You can wrap everything Christmas Eve. Don’t move.” I watch him go into the garage, calculating in my mind all the possible places he could hide them in there, I have a good guess of where if I find the need to look for them – just to wrap them. Of course, he didn’t know about the special present still in my car for him, so to appease my addiction to Christmas giving I follow him saying, “Look at this big box, don’t you want to know what’s in it? It’s the PERFECT present for you!” Watch out for that Christmas Bender, buy your presents early, wrap them and hide them----just don’t forget where you hid them come Christmas Eve otherwise you’ll be out with the rest of humanity on Christmas Eve fighting the mall traffic! Ever find that perfect present and can’t wait to give it to the one you love?

A Little Mind Game Is A Terrible Thing to Waste

Standing at the top of a mountain, one foot attached to a snowboard, the second waiting to attach, I’m struck with something amazing. “I’m too old for this shit,” I think as I look down there and watch someone wipe out. Sure they get up and keep going but when I fall, it hurts. Maybe I’ve got a longer distance to fall that a child, I’ve got more padding around the assets so it shouldn’t hurt as bad, but it does. My mind and my body tell me, “we don’t want to do this, we remember all the aches and pains from last year, why do it again this year?” I look down again and like most things in my life, I have to talk myself into starting. In races, I tell myself at the starting line that I haven’t come this far in training to turn around and walk away no matter how tempting it may be. Plus I show up right before the gun goes off so there’s not so much time to THINK about what I’m getting myself into. On a snowboard it’s a little easier, the only way down is to go down. You can’t ride the lift back down, it’s down the mountain or sit up there and freeze. So I think, I could WALK down the mountain then go find the peppermint schnappes, but that same ego jumps in, “you can do this, you did it all last year, sure you sucked at it, but you did it. Now strap that foot in and go.” Most snowboarders don’t really care about strapping that foot in, but those of us just starting out get A LITTLE nervous about attaching both feet to a board with no way to get them out. So I strap in and down I go, no really, down I go. I fall down the first part of the hill on my face, the second part of the hill on my back but actually make it down. I hit the bottom, really, hit the bottom and look at the lift. “Don’t do it,” I hear that little voice in my head, “Go for it” says another voice but all my body says is “WHY?” as I head for the lift. I’m sore, I can’t turn my head to the right or lift my arms above my shoulder and I can’t show you my bruise. But my ego is still intact and I didn’t listen to that little voice and as I ride the lift again on day two, I’m determined to ride not slide down the mountain. Anything hard in life is always worth the effort once you achieve it, that feeling that is oh so sweet when you’re able to make it without wiping out is worth all the bumps and bruises on the way.

A Little Elfin Magic by Hanz

An elf’s life at the Melang Household. Hanz our resident Christmas elf wanted to share how hard it is to be an elf at the Melang House! “Santa put me on this duty of watching the Melang Boys and reporting back if they’ve been naughty or nice. He never told me how hard it would be! First I keep trying to hide around the house from the boys, but every morning little Max is up at 530am LOOKING for me, and finds me every time! Here comes his hand pulling me from behind the Ovaltine in the pantry and running screaming to his Mom! I wish he would wash his hands before carrying me! Then they take my candy stash, I keep trying to hide my candy under their pillows but the first night the dog ate it (starburst) then the second night the boys found it an ate it! I’m going to have to find better places to hide candy! Then comes competition, Santa knew that the Melang boys are very busy so he sent two friends – Franz and Theodore to help me keep track of them. They’re twins, and like to hide in the same place, one of their favorites was in Max and Wolfgang’s shoes on the morning they traveled back from the mountains. Since the family travels back and forth from the Mountains, I’ve got to use my Elfen Magic to travel too! I’m not sure I have enough fairy dust! Every morning we hide around the house but every morning someone FINDS US! I’ve been carried around the house by the dog, dropped on my head by their Dad, and even dropped in the toilet! The humiliation never ceases, luckily like their Mom, I just get up, glue my head back on my body and keep going! She’s given me a few energy gels to help but nothing like fairy dust and sugar! I am happy to say that both boys at this time are on the NICE list (we checked on the computer). I’ve written notes in my elfen hand telling them to stop fighting and share the remote to stay on the NICE list! My handwriting is so small that only the boys can read it, cause Jeez, I am a small dude! So Merry Christmas from the Melang House and take a good look around your home – one of my friends may be hiding there and you haven’t found them yet!