Isn't It Obvious? Stupid Questions

Sometimes I think brains are becoming a endangered part of our bodies.  Most are from my children, many are from people I know.  I answer politely but want to share what's running in my head.

I'm in the grocery store, I run into a friend and she says, "What are you doing here?"
What I say, "Just filling the fridge again."
What I want to say, "Putting on my running shoes and mall walking the isles of the grocery store, then grabbing a banana and acting like it's a phone."

I'm out on a run and my phone rings.  My friend says, "Are you running?"
What I say, "Yes, will be finishing up in about an hour."
What I want to say, "No, I'm practicing for my staring role in my next porn flick, hold on, there, that's better."

We're in the car on the way to school, my son says, "Where are we going?"
What I say, "Well I'll let you take a guess."
What I want to say, "Are you an idiot?"

I'm right in the middle of a particularly good dream with Johnny Depp and a hand taps my shoulder.  He says, "Are you sleeping?"
What I say, "No, what's wrong honey.
What I want to say, "Your interruption of my time with Johnny means that when I'm up at 5, I'm waking your butt at the butt crack of dawn!"

Standing in line at the convenience store, he looks at me and says, "Are you going to pay for that."
What I say, "Uh, yes I am."
What I want to say, "Catch me!"

Someone calls on the house phone and asks, "Are you home?"
What I say, "Uh, yes."
What I want to say, "Damn the secret service found me because of you!

Standing with a new Mom, she looks at me and says, "Don't they grow fast."
What I say, "Uh yes."
What I want to say, "She's only a month old.  Seriously?"

Standing in McDonalds and the person behind the counter says, "Can I take your order?"
What I say, "Yes, I'll have the large sugar free vanilla iced coffee..."
What I want to say, "No, I heard this is a great place to pick up guys."

So the next time you ask a question, think twice, if you see a strange look on my face, don't ask what I really want to say, you don't want to know.

What stupid questions do you bite your tongue on?