Lessons Learned from Sharknado

I am so excited that Sharknado is finally on Netflix!  I want to watch it again without commercials to see if I really saw the movie I saw, or it was just a delightful part of my imagination.  The first time i watched Sharknado, I don't know if I enjoyed the Twitter feed or the actual movie more

I learned a few lessons from watching this movie:

Always be prepared - yes, you can use the bar stool to keep the Great White from eating your leg.  And yes, don't question that for some reason in the corner of the port a potty you've hidden yourself in from the raining of sharks, there's a rifle, with ammo.  Just use it.  And the McGyver guy that wants to use a toothpick, paper clip and Gameboy to take over the brain of the shark?

Don't question.  He will save your life.

Do not wear a bikini - sharks seem to be drawn to this and will try to rip the top off of you.  Or wait, you have the great body - wear the bikini and show it off for everyone.

If you are single, be very very afraid.  Single people have this special sweetness in their blood that draw the shark.  It's because married people are already bitter and it shows in their blood.

Hang out with the little kids - they always know where to hide.  Sure you may not fit and will get eaten anyway (because you are single) but it's always worth a try.

For some reason chainsaws do not kill sharks.  They kill everyone else in every slasher movie I've ever seen, but will not work on the shark - neither will the baseball bat, the hatchet or the RPG - the flamethrower?  A possibility but that usually means there's a burning shark coming back for one more CHOMP.

If you are told to RUN, then RUN!  Why do they always stop and LOOK BACK?  Sodom should have taught us when they turned to stone, have we not learned.  And remember these sharks can move in a puddle created from washing your car.  If someone says RUN, then RUN.

Finally, there isn't a single problem with our water system.  The sharks are healthy and coming out of the sewer pipes, out of the toilet AND out of the garden hoses, don't worry about drinkability of our water we are going to be just time.

Sharknado was such a cerebral undertaking that the subtle messages should be noted.  Take a minute to watching this piece of cinema history and formulate your own opinions.  We'll meet up again when they finish filming Octopusnado!

What would you add to the list?