WTF - My iWatch Activity

Got a cool new gift this Christmas, the small version of the iWatch.  Basically, it connects to my phone and lets me use stuff on my phone on my wrist.

Setting up the watch, I found the Activity App, or what I call the Health Nazi. It asked me questions I'd only tell to my therapist.

How old are you?  There is no option for "Old enough to know better" or maybe, "21 plus change" I wondered what it would do if I lied telling it how I feel, a strong solid 35 years old.

What is your weight? Why does it need to know this, who is gathering this information in cyberspace laughing as I put in my goal weight, then not allowing me to save?

Are you male or female?  Well that was an easy one.

Now how do I hide that information from everyone else?

My watch beeped.

Stand notification. "Time to Stand and Move Around for One Minute"

What?

Going back to the directions, Stand Notification remind me I haven't physically moved in an hour.

I look at the watch.  "Stand? But it's Christmas Day, there's egg nog in my hand."

I finally figured out if I stand up and run in place for 60 seconds, I can fool the watch relaxing for another hour on the couch with my Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Another beep from the watch.

Move Notifications.  First it wants me to stand, now it wants me to move.

I AM moving. I got up and walked from the couch to the kitchen then back to the couch again. The mess the kids made in the kitchen got my heart rate up effectively telling the watch I moved.  The mess the kids made effectively burned 147.6 calories.

Finally, the Exercise Ring - reminding me to exercise daily. Exercise to my watch means a step up from walking up the steps.  I read as you wear the watch, it learns from your movements, so my early Christmas Morning wake up call counted for something, I think. It says I burned a few calories.

So it tells me when to move, watch what I eat, and get off my ass.  I'm not sure this is a positive relationship in my life, and that thought process burned a few calories.

Wait, what's this? Count the amount of alcohol you consume?

Things have gone too far.

REALLY?

Did you read my post about my mysterious trip to Michaels, how I walked in and two hours later pulled two very large shopping bags full of crafts I will never do, not to mention the 78.62 price tag?  Well, my son asked me to go back for rubber bands for his loom, and I waited because frankly, I had to pay my mortgage and not spend it in Michaels!

What am I talking about?  The Rainbow Loom

The new nirvana of children, the obsession as you make rubber band bracelets.  Why?

Because you can show that special girl you like her by making her a bracelet.

You can sit and cry when you Cobra weave doesn't work and you did it exactly the way the kid in the YouTube Video told you to do.

You can show how cool you are by the intricate bracelet designs on your arm.

In my son's case, you can get paid by other kids to make bracelets that they then give to the girl of their dreams (yes, he takes after the better half)

So yes, before you judge, I have a son that looms, or weaves, or makes bracelets.

Back to my trying not to drop a mortgage payment in Michaels this time around.

We walk in with a list of the different color bands he wants and imagine my surprise.

Not a single loom in the store.

Not a single band in the store.

Really, who are all these kids weaving their bracelets?  Didn't they realize that my son was running out of black and he will make my life miserable?

He looks at me and I frantically look around store, "What?  No looms, no rubber bands?  What is he supposed to do, weave human hair?"  I yell at the cashier.

She calmly says (I guess i'm not the only Mom freaking out), "You can sign up for our loom waiting list, but if you register for the Rainbow Loom Retreat October 18-20th in Asheville you get a free loom with registration.  It is a wonderful time, there will be looming, meditation and detoxing.  All of our Looming Thursday Group kids love it."

I am speechless.  OK, I'm not the only freaky one - we leave the store with me giving myself a point for not signing him up for the Rainbow Loom Retreat JUST TO GET A LOOM BECAUSE BANDS COME WITH IT.

For now we are in a holding pattern, one woman says to me as we leave, "If you hear of any one with non see through neon green bands, I'm prepared to pay top dollar for them."

I smile at her.

I feel your pain honey, I really do.